


Listen

by jessie11



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bad Decisions, Dark Past, Drugs, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Falling In Love, Peer Pressure, Return, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-02-15 04:20:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13023114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessie11/pseuds/jessie11
Summary: Clarke is in her senior year of high school and everything is going as planned, but everything changes when Lexa Woods returns. She brings chaos, trouble and mystery. Nothing is as it seems and Clarke's life is turned upside down once she gets to know Lexa.





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke is walking through the empty hallways to the cafeteria. Her painting was almost done and she wanted to finish the part she was touching up even though lunchbreak had already started. She knew her friends would save her a seat in the crowdy cafeteria. They always did if she was late again.

While waving to some people, she makes her way over to their usual table. She is not surprised to find all her friends there joking around. Greeting everybody, she takes a seat with a smile on her face.

"Hi, guys!"

Everybody greets her back before continuing their conversation. Clarke is taking her lunch out of her bag when she realizes Jasper isn't sitting at the table while Monty is next to her, which is something that almost never happens. Jasper and Monty are always together. They always joke that Octavia, Raven and Clarke are inseparable, but everyone knows Jasper and Monty are worse.

"Where is Jasper?"

Before anyone can answer, Clarke hears someone starting to speak behind her. She turns around to see Jasper standing there. A goofy smile is visible on his face and his eyes shine with excitement.

"You will never believe what I just heard!"

He pauses for dramatic effect. They are used to it by now. Clarke still wonders why Jasper never joined the drama club. He loves drama.

"What is it, Jasper?" Monty asks patiently. He is the only one who never loses his patient with Jasper. Clarke admires him for it. Sure, she loves Jasper, but sometimes he is just too much.

Jasper's excitement makes him talk so fast that is almost impossible to follow.

"Lexa Woods is coming back!"

Everyone at their table becomes silent. Clarke looks around confused. All of her friends are looking either shocked or they aren't even looking at all. Apparently, everyone knows who this Lexa Woods is. Everyone but Clarke.

"Are you sure?" Raven asks more timid than Clarke has ever heard her.

Jasper nods with conviction. Clarke is almost afraid his head will fall off. "I heard Kane talk to some teachers about her return."

The silence falls over them again. Clarke has so many questions, but somehow it doesn't feel like the right time to ask them. The atmosphere is tense and the silence is heavy. Everyone around them continues talking without noticing the sudden quietness of the usually loud table.

Clarke feels left out. She transferred to Arcadia High School half way in her freshman year. Never did she hear anyone talk about a Lexa Woods. It stings that they all know something that she doesn't. She feels like an outsider and she hates it. Her curiosity is way too big to accept not knowing something. She will find out eventually, but not right now. Lexa is clearly a sensitive topic and she has to approach this carefully if she wants to get some answers.

Raven looks at Octavia, who is surprisingly quiet.

"Did you know?" Her tone sounds somewhat accusing.

Octavia just shrugs with her eyes turned away. She doesn't speak, but her lack of reaction is already an answer. She did know.

"Why didn't you tells us?"

Now Raven just sounds hurt. They have an unspoken rule to have no big secrets from each other and Clarke gets the feeling that knowing Lexa is returning is important. Very important. Clarke can't help herself and blurts out one of the many questions she has.

"How do you know this?"

Her friends seem to suddenly realize Clarke is there and look at her with pained expressions. Clarke feels like she is the new student again, not knowing whether everyone will like her or not. The same nervous feeling as on her first day settles in her stomach.

"Lincoln told me," Octavia answers as if it would somehow explain everything. "But he also made me swear not to tell anyone."

Her friends still seem pissed, but Clarke replies before anyone else can open their mouth.

"Well, how does Lincoln know this?"

Octavia just shrugs again. It is obvious she doesn't want to talk about it. Nobody appears willing to talk about it, while Clarke is full of questions. It is an unfortunate combination. Luckily, Jasper is always there.

"Lexa is his cousin," Jasper answers while taking a seat next to Monty. Standing has become useless. He has delivered his big news. His job is done.

"Ssst," Octavia shushes him. She looks around to make sure nobody heard him. Clearly, nobody did. Everyone around them is still talking and laughing. Nobody seems to care about them. This makes Octavia stop worrying, but she still looks angry at Jasper.

"What?" Jasper asks unknowingly.

Octavia rolls her eyes. "He doesn't want everyone to know."

Raven nods. "I would feel the same if Lexa was my family."

Clarke looks around confused again. "Why? Who is Lexa?" She finally asks. It still doesn't feel like the right time, but she doesn't care anymore. This appears to be something big and she wants in on the scoop.

Getting answers turns out to be harder than she thought. Everyone keeps quiet. Jasper looks around to the table, waiting if someone is going to answer. When nobody seems to open their mouth anytime soon, he turns to Clarke. The smile still on his face.

"The infamous Lexa Woods," he starts as if he is introducing a character of a theatre play. "She is known for setting the school on fire. Personally, she is my hero."

Monty shakes his head. "She is nobody's hero. The only thing she is, is bad news."

"She set the school on fire?" Clarke asks dumbfounded. She knew there was a fire just before she moved here, but she didn't know someone had started it deliberately.

How did she not hear about this before? Raven notices the hurt look in Clarke's eyes. Clarke was immediately taken up in the group of friends when she arrived to Arcadia, but they still have history without her. They have known each other since middle school. Of course, they try their best to always inform Clarke about the time when she still lived somewhere else. However, for some reason they didn't tell her about this.

Raven starts speaking with a sigh. "You need to stay away from her, okay? She only brings trouble."

Everyone agrees immediately and after that nobody speaks again. The atmosphere stays tense and Clarke can't wait for lunch to be over.

"By the way," Jasper breaks the silence that still hadn't disappeared. Awkwardness doesn't really affect him. He always tells them he embraced his awkward side and Clarke is thankful for it right now.

"Who is going to Echo's party this weekend?"

The question immediately makes the uncomfortable feeling that had taken over their table disappear as everyone starts talking about the first party of their senior year.

 

 

* * *

 

Clarke watches how Raven and Octavia look through her closet. She is laying on her bed and letting her friends pick out her outfit. In contrast to Octavia and Raven, Clarke doesn't really care about how she looks tonight. Sure, she always puts some effort in her appearance, but she is never so shallow that she wants to look good for a guy, but according to her friends it is very important to look pretty tonight. They heard that Finn is coming too and that he had decided to make his move. Clarke doesn't really want to think about what his move might be. Her friends accuse her of making the situation complicated, but it is actually pretty simple. She isn't interested in him, which is something nobody seems to believe. Apparently, she should consider herself lucky because Finn is interested in her.

Octavia and Raven didn't believe this and thought she was just playing hard to get. Clarke had decided to just go along with it. Convincing them that she didn't like him would almost be impossible – and maybe she liked the attention. Just a little bit. There are a lot of students at Arcadia, so Clarke likes to be able to somehow stand out a bit. Even if she has to deal with Finn's advances from time to time.

"Finn is going to love this outfit," Raven happily announces once she pushes a dress in Clarke's hands. Octavia has already moved on to find the perfect shoes.

Clarke looks at the dress and frowns.

"I don't know if I want to wear a dress to the party," she says hesitantly.

She appreciates how much time and effort they put in choosing out her outfit, but she just wants to be comfortable and wearing a dress at a high school party is far from comfortable.

"Mmm," Octavia replies while still looking through her shoes. "You're probably right."

Raven grabs the dress out of Clarke's hands and throws it at the pile of rejected clothes, which is growing and growing. Clarke already knows she probably is going to wear the first outfit they picked out, but Octavia and Raven seem to enjoy going through her close and she doesn't want to ruin their fun. She lets them ravage her closet and eventually she will choose something herself. It always goes like that, which Clarke understands completely. Neither Octavia nor Raven have the same amount of clothes as Clarke, which sometimes makes her feel spoiled even though Octavia and Raven keep on assuring her they don't have a problem with it.

"Is Lincoln going to the party too?" Raven asks Octavia while throwing a new outfit at Clarke. "This is the one by the way."

Clarke decides to just go with it and starts changing in a jeans and a low-cut top. "Why wouldn't he go?"

Clarke never says it, but sometimes Lincoln looks like a lost puppy. Where Octavia is, you can find Lincoln. Luckily, Lincoln is a good guy and she doesn't mind his presence. She just doesn't get how they don't get enough of each other. It must be love.

"He has family stuff," Octavia explains. She lays down on Clarke's old spot on the bed. Clarke knows she tries to downplay it, so she lets it go. She doesn't want to ruin their night. Raven, however, decides to ask further.

"Family stuff as in Lexa is coming back stuff?" Her voice sounds fascinated while also sounding a bit scared.

Octavia shrugs, which seems to be her standard reaction at everything related to Lincoln's connection to Lexa. "Maybe."

Clarke gives Raven a meaningful look and she immediately shuts her mouth. She notices how Octavia lets out a relieved sigh.

They finish getting ready and make their way over to Echo's while singing along to the radio like they always do when driving together.

When they arrive, the party is already in full swing. They greet the few students that are lingering outside and ignore the couple that is having an intense making-out session on the porch. Octavia opens the front door and they are immediatly welcomed by the smell of cheap beer, sweat and smoke. Clarke pities the one who has to clean the house the next day. Red cups are everywhere and there is probably a lot of spilled beer on the floor. When Clarke held a party like this, she spend the next day cleaning everything while she was so hungover she could barely function. It was the last time she ever hosted a party, but that doesn't mean she can't enjoy one in somebody else's house. 

Clarke and Octavia quickly find Monty and Jasper in the living room. Of course, they are busy with a game of beer pong. They had lost Raven instantly when they entered the house, but it doesn't take long for her to return with three drinks in her hand. All three red cups are full and Clarke still wonders how Raven manages to never spill anything. She takes the first sip of her beer and has to do her best not to make a face. She always hates the taste of beer in the beginning. It just tastes bitter. After gulping down the rest, she gets used to it. She actually prefers wine, but every party has beer because it is just cheaper. At her first party she had asked whether they had wine or not and after laughing at her for a few mintus, Octavia and Raven taught her how to drink it.

Octavia downs her beer and grabs Clarke's hands and pulls her and Raven to the improvised dance floor.

"Come, we are going dancing!" she shouts enthusiastic.

Raven and Clarke follow her laughing.

~

Clarke is leaning against the door of the fridge with a drink in her hand. First, she lost Raven in the mass of people. Not long thereafter she lost sight of Octavia too. Luckily, she knows enough other students from her high school, so she is never really alone. She hates it if she is alone at a party. Right now, she is having a conversation with Emori. Murphy is standing next to her, but he doesn't really participate in the conversation. He just looks bored and ready to go home.

"Have you already talked to Finn?" Emori asks with a teasing smile on her face.

Clarke raises her eyebrows. Does everyone know Finn likes her? Isn't the important part of having a crush that only a few people know about it?

"No, I haven't talked to him."

They get interrupted by people trying to drunkenly get some drinks. Clarke watches how they pour themselves some drinks before leaving again. Most of the liquid is on the counter instead of in the red cup. It only makes the students laugh harder. Once it is possible to hear each other again, Clarke turns to Emori again.

"You should talk to him," Emori says winking. "He is hot."

"What?" Murphy says for the first time that conversation.

Emori wants to reassure him he is still the hottest, but they get interrupted again. This time someone drunkenly bumps into them. The drunken person clings to Clarke to prevent herself from falling on the ground. Clarke tries to keep her up without invading any personal spaces. Emori helps Clarke get the drunken girl in her arm on her feet again. Once the girl is looking up, Clarke is able to see her face and thus her eyes. Her pupils are dilatated. It seems as if the girl doesn't even fully notice that Clarke is there. Her eyes keep on refocusing. The girl looks horrible. Her black hair sticks to her sweaty face and her clothes are a mess. The girl starts pushing away before Clarke can even offer her any help.

"Sorry," the girl slurs.

Clarke watches how she walks away. Or at least, tries to walk away. She has lost ablity to walk in a straight line and has to use the counter to support her. They watch her until she has left the kitchen and is out of sight. Clarke turns her gaze back to Emori to continue their talk, but she doesn't care about their previous conversation anymore when she sees the look of pity on Emori's face too. It makes her realize she has no idea who the girl is. 

"Who is she?" Clarke asks confused.

"Costia," Emori answers surprised that Clarke doesn't know.

Clarke eyebrows furrow. Why does everyone suddenly seem to know a lot of people that she doesn't know?

"Does she go to Arcadia too?" Clarke asks curiously. She feels left out again, but at the same time she worries about Costia. There was obviously something wrong with her. Of course, Costia isn't the first person to get drunk at a high school party, but this felt different. Her hollowed out cheeks and bags under her eyes indicated that there was more too it than just an innocent teenager drinking too much.

"Not anymore," Emori replies. She starts leaning against Murphy. "She graduated last year, which I think is a miracle."

"What's wrong with her?"

Emori sighs.

"She was Lexa's friend."

 

* * *

 

 

 

We are here!" Indra says with as much excitement as she could muster.

Lexa slowly opens her eyes. She must have fallen asleep after they left the airport. She hates appearing so vunerable and weak, but she is just so tired. When her eyes are used to the daylight, she starts looking around to see where she is. In front of her is Indra's house. She recognizes it immediately. It looks bigger than she remembered, but maybe it is because she has gotten used to her small flat in the city. Every house with its own garden looks big compared to her flat.

Lexa opens the door of the car while Indra is waiting for her at the front door. The moment her feet touches the driveway is weird. She had expected it to feel different. She is different. Yet, it feels the same. It was stupid to think that something as basic as asphalt would feel different just because she left and then returned. She had hoped it would. Maybe if the asphalt had changed, then everything else had changed too.

Lexa quickly reprimands herself. Those are thoughts of a scared teenager and Lexa is done being the scared teenager. It had gotten her nowhere but hell. She tries to look as stoic as possible to hide the scared feeling that she feels coursing through her body. She pretends not to feel the sweat that is gathering at her hands, which she tries to wipe off at her jeans without Indra noticing it. Indra doesn't need to know how anxious Lexa is about moving back. If it was up to Lexa, she didn't even move back. Living with her mother in the city wasn't ideal, but it was definitely better than returning to her old home town. Her only other option was the system and even though she hated everything about Arcadia High School, it was still better than the system.

With Indra's expectant eyes on her, Lexa straightens her back. She forces herself to not look around, so she does what she always does. She ignores everything. She ignores the beautiful flowers that are still growing at the edge of the driveway despite summer being over. She ignores the garage where probably her old bike is still standing. And most of all, she ignores the looks from neighbors she is definitely getting. She sees the curtain of the house next to Indra's moving, but she doesn't pay any attention to it. She is done thinking about others and being scared.

Indra presumably sees the looks too and, just like Lexa, has decided to ignore them. She smiles at Lexa once she has reached the doorway. It is strange to see Indra smile. It seems forced and Lexa knows Indra is just trying to make her feel welcome, but it irritates her. She doesn't need anyone to take care of her. She is perfectly able to take care of herself. It is what she has been doing the last few years, after all.

The situation is already tense and Lexa doesn't want to worsen it, therefore she tries to smile back at Indra. It is just as forced as Indra's smile is, but she knows Indra appreciates her effort.

"Welcome home, Lexa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new story! I hope you liked the first chapter. Let me know if you did :)
> 
> Have a nice weekend!
> 
> Xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke looks around the schoolyard in the hopes to spot Octavia or Raven. She went to her locker, which is their usual meeting place, but her friends were nowhere to be seen. They weren't at their own locker either. Clarke keeps checking her phone to see if she has received any text about her friend's whereabouts. Her phone stays silent. Clarke exits the schoolyard to search for her friends in the parking lot, which is where she sees Octavia walking around nervously.

A concerned frown appears on Clarke's face. It is not like Octavia to be nervous about something. Most of the time it is Octavia who has to calm everyone down. She is the only one who isn't nervous before a test. Clarke envies her for it. She turns into a nervous wreck every time she has to take a test.

"Clarke!"

Clarke looks around confused until she sees Raven walking towards her. She waits for Raven to reach her, before continuing her way to Octavia.

"Do you know what's up with her?" Clarke asks still worried about her nervous friend.

Raven looks at her like she has gone crazy. "Are you serious?"

Clarke tries to remember if there is something that she should have known about, but she comes up empty. The school year has just started, so there aren't any tests yet that she could have forgotten. As far as Clarke knows, Lincoln and Octavia weren't having any problems, so that could not be it either.

"Yes," Clarke replies hesitantly.

An unbelieving look appears on Raven's face. She shakes her head while chuckling. "Under what rock are you living?"

Clarke just shrugs. There is clearly something she should have known. Clarke is sure she didn't forget someone's birthday. Usually, she is pretty good with dates and thus always remembers everyone's birthday.

"I don't know, just tell me what is going on."

Raven moves closer to Clarke as if she is going to tell her a secret like they did in kindergarten. "This is Lexa's first day and Lincoln is driving her to school."

Before Clarke can react, Octavia turns around and spots them. A relieved look is visible on her face. She walks over with rushed steps.

"Finally, you guys are here!"

They give Octavia a quick hug. Raven tries to talk to her about some sports game from last night just to distract her, but it is in vain. The only thing Octavia is able to think about, is the arrival of her boyfriend and his cousin.

Raven decides to give up and Clarke and her just stand next to Octavia. Hoping that their presence alone is enough to comfort Octavia a little bit.

"I hate Indra for making him do this," Octavia starts rambling. "I'm sure Lexa is old enough to go to school on her own. It is not like she is going to set it on fire again. At least, I hope so."

Clarke places a calming hand on her shoulder. "Calm down, O," she interrupts her rambling.

Raven nods. "Everything is going to be fine."

Octavia doesn't really react, but her wordflood stops. Her eyes widen and Raven and Clarke try to see what she is looking at. They notice Lincoln's familiar car entering the parking lot. The atmosphere changes. It is as if the whole school knows who is in that car. Everyone holds their breath. Clarke can feel the tension around the schoolyard. She starts wondering if Lexa's return is going to have a bigger impact than she expected. At first, she thought that all the buzz around Lexa was because finally something was happening in their otherwise quiet town. It is definitely something heavier than that. Clarke feels the tension creeping in her too, even though she has never met Lexa.

They watch how Lincoln leaves the car first. The passenger door opens next. Every head turns to look at the car while Lexa steps out. Clarke didn't really know what she expected, but she sure didn't expect Lexa to look like that.

Lexa's black skinny jeans and leather jacket fits the image that everyone had created for her, but the rest is so different from her expectations. Lexa's long, brown hair curls perfectly and one she gets closer to them. Clarke can't help but notice that Lexa is beautiful.

Apparently, she isn't the only one who thinks that. "She definitely doesn't look stoned anymore."

Neither Clarke nor Octavia reacts. Clarke doesn't reply because she is mesmerized by the person everyone kept talking about and Octavia is already walking towards Lincoln.

Lincoln leaves Lexa's side with a silent goodbye and embraces Octavia with a soft kiss on her forehead.

Clarke tries not to look at Lexa. She doesn't want to make the girl feel uncomfortable as if she is some sort of an attraction for everyone to look at. Lexa will get enough surprised and scared looks on her first day at her old school and Clarke doesn't want to contribute to that. However, it is hard not to look. Lexa seems to catch everyone's attention and still act unbothered by it, which is something Clarke instantly notes. Despite all the looks she is getting, Lexa stills acts stoic. There is almost a bored look on her face.

"So, that is her." Clarke watches how Lexa enters the school. She is only able to look away after the door has closed and Lexa has disappeared out of sight.

"Yep, that is her."

Clarke bites her lip to distract her from her racing thoughts. She has so many questions and she knows it is highly unlikely she will get some answers. "She is not what I expected."

Raven chuckles. "Well, what did you expect?"

The bell rings and they start moving towards their first class. Clarke thinks about what she expected.

"Something more delinquent."

Raven's laugh stands out against the slowly disappearing tension around them. "You thought she would show up in an orange jumpsuit?"

Clarke feels the blush creep up on her face. It is stupid, but she indeed expected something like that. The stories that transpire about Lexa became worse and worse as her return came closer. Clarke tried not to listen to them in the beginning. The stories were just silly rumors from students trying to make their school year more exciting. Clarke, however, couldn't avoid hearing some stories and therefore couldn't stop herself from creating an image from Lexa in her head. And yes, if the stories were anything to go by, Lexa would indeed show up in an orange jumpsuit.

"I heard she did spend some time in juvie, so your expectations aren't even so far from the truth," Raven tells her while entering their class.

Clarke looks surprised at Raven. "She did?"

They start taking out their books out of habit. In the meantime, Raven continues talking. "Yes, because of the fire and some other stuff, but nobody really knows. I'm sure Lincoln knows some stuff. It is a shame he is so tight-lipped."

The teacher enters, which means the end of their conversation. Clarke tries to forget about Lexa and focus on what the teacher is saying, but it is difficult. There is a certain tension in the classroom. It feels like she is in a classroom full of children who are anxious the day before Christmas. There is excitement, because something out of the ordinary is happening, but at the same time everyone is nervous about the outcome of the events.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa is sitting on the bench outside principle Kane's office. Everything is weirdly familiar. The bench is still very uncomfortable. Sitting on the bench is already a punishment. It has an awful red color and even though there is cushion, the bench is hard. It is impossible to sink back into the cushions, hence the awkward position she is sitting in. The bench forces her to sit unnaturally straight and it has no armrests, so she has no other choice than fold her hands awkwardly in her lap.

To top it all off, the bench is directly opposite from Byrne's desk. Even Byrne didn't change a bit the past four year. Kane's secretary still looks at her like she committed the worst crime ever. Lexa is only waiting for Kane, so he can introduce the school to her. It is something that is protocol for new students, but Lexa is sure it is not something they do when a student returns. Of course, she is an exception. If Byrne is already looking at her like that when she only has a standard conversation, Lexa wonders what look she will receive from Byrne when she has really done something wrong, because it is only a matter of time before she fucks up. That is why she is waiting on that uncomfortable bench. Kane isn't going to tell her about the principles of Arcadia and proudly inform her about all the extracurricular activities it has to offer. No. He is here to make clear again that this is her last chance and he just wants to postpone the moment she ruins everything.

The door opens and Lexa ignores it. She just keeps looking at the crack in the pillar next to Byrne's desk. It was there four years ago and they still haven't fixed it. She just hopes it doesn't affect the stability of the building. The last thing she wants is for the building to collapse before she can somehow set it on fire again.

Kane sighs about her lack of reaction. "Miss Woods."

As slowly as possible she looks up. "Kane, great to see you again!"

"Alexandria," he says with a warning tone. He holds to door open for her and Lexa enters his office.

"What?" She has a faux surprised expression on her face. "Am I not allowed to be happy to see my favorite principle again?"

She doesn't mean to, but she can't help but antagonize him. The whole situation puts her on edge and she just wants to escape. The schools she went to the last few years didn't really care about what she did, which is probably why she is still in high school while the rest of the students her age had already graduated.

Kane takes a seat opposite of her and just looks at her. It is strange and Lexa forces herself to keep eye-contact with him. She doesn't want to be the first one to look away. At the end, it goes her way. Kane looks down at her file in front of him. A smug grin appears on her face, but it is almost invisible.

Lexa watches how Kane keeps on reading her file. It is a lot to read, but she knows he already read it. He is just trying to intimidate by acting like he knows everything about her. The joke is on him, because he doesn't know anything.

With a sigh, he closes the map again. "Alexandria..."

Lexa interrupts him by imitating his sigh. "It's Lexa, please quit the Alexandria crap."

She almost sees him roll his eyes. "Fine, Lexa. Let me be clear. I was very reluctant to accept your application, but I know Indra and I know she is doing your family a huge favor by taking you in and I don't want to make her job any harder. This your last chance. If you ruin it, you're out. Understand?"

Lexa represses the urge to roll her eyes and just walk away. She has heard enough of the 'this is your last chance' bullshit. They don't know anything about her, but are still so determined to see her fail. She takes a while to reply. Instead, she just looks around. His office is still the same. It is as if time has stand still in Arcadia. The only difference is that there are more pictures on the wall of students who have achieved something. Why isn't she in a picture on the wall? She apparently set the school on fire, which she thinks is quite an achievement considering most of the school is made of concrete.  

"Do you understand?" Kane asks again.

Lexa looks away from the wall to face Kane. It may take some time before she graduates, but she isn't stupid. "I perfectly understand, sir." She addresses him with a mocking tone and Kane's disappointed look and light headshake isn't as satisfactory as she hoped it would be.

Kane stands up. He is clearly done with this conversation. Lexa pushes her chair back and follows him to the hallway. She spots Byrne looking at her suspiciously. Lexa raises one eyebrow at her and Byrne quickly focuses on the computer screen in front of her.

Kane watches the interaction with something close to fascination. He has to admit that Lexa is a difficult student, but he can't deny that she makes his work interesting.

"Second period will be your first period of today. Please get your locker combination from miss Byrne and use the first period the settle in... Again."

Lexa salutes him with fake respect and grabs the paper that Byrne is holding out for her without a word. She marches down to hallway to her locker. Unfortunately, it isn't her old locker. She used to hide cigarettes and sometimes a joint in the edge of the door of her locker. Someone else has her old locker now and Lexa wonders if they found her secret stash. If they did, Lexa hopes they enjoyed it and didn't give it to Kane.

She opens her locker and, of course, it is empty. Kane told her to settle in, but she has no idea what he meant with that. She hasn't received her books yet, so there is nothing to put in her locker. With a loud bang, she closes her locker again. There is still some time before second period begins, so she decides to go outside for a smoke. School can wait.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Clarke sits with Raven and Octavia in the classroom waiting for Titus to arrive. Normally, the history teacher is already in the classroom when the first students enter, but today he is late. It creates a certain buzz in the classroom. She hears people talking about getting a free period because he isn't there, but Clarke knows he will show up eventually. Since she became a student at Arcadia, she has never witnessed Titus being absent. He is always present, just like today. He is just running late.

"You know, if he is late, that can only mean one thing," Raven tells them with a low voice.

Octavia and Clarke look at her with a confused expression. "What do you mean?" Octavia asks.

At that moment, the door opens and Raven immediately shuts up. Titus always wants complete silence in his classroom. Everyone watches tensely how Titus enters the classroom followed by a brunette. It is as if all the students hold in their breath just like that morning in the schoolyard.

"Class," Titus addresses them. "This is Lexa Woods, she is new here."

No one says something. The classroom is as silent as Titus always wants them to be. It is probably the first time he has achieved this. The silence lasts a few seconds before the whispers start.

Clarke is the only one who looks at Lexa. The rest of the students is busy with talking to their friends about her or they don't even dare to look at her. Clarke observes how Lexa takes them in with a bored expression. Her eyes go over every single student and Clarke sees how Lexa forms an opinion about everyone. Lexa's eyes rest on Clarke. She immediately notices Lexa's beautiful green eyes. It stands out against her dark appearance. Her eyes are guarded but bright and the green color is just mesmerizing. Clarke wants to keep looking, but she forces herself to turn her eyes downwards.

"You can take the free seat," Titus instructs.

Out of the corner of her eye, Clarke watches how Lexa strides to her designated desk. She walks with a confidence that somehow attracts Clarke's attention. Clarke keeps looking while Lexa sits down and receives a book from Titus. She is sure that Lexa notices her looking, but she doesn't react and Clarke doesn't look away. Lexa purposely avoids making eye-contact with Clarke. Her face remains stoic and her eyes trained on the front of the classroom where Titus has started his lesson.

Clarke keeps looking for a few more seconds and then also turns away to focus on what Titus is saying. Once she isn't looking at Lexa anymore, she feels eyes burning in her back. Clarke doesn't need to turn around again to know it is a pair of green eyes that are taking her in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter! I love reading your thoughts in the comments, so let me know what you thought about this chapter. 
> 
> Still no real interaction between Lexa and Clarke, but it will happen soon :)
> 
> xxx


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke can't help but think back to their lunch break a week ago when they found out that Lexa would be returning to Arcadia High School. It has been a week and the holiday is long forgotten, everyone has picked up where they left before their well-deserved break and it would almost feel like nothing has changed - but it has. After being the talk of the school for a whole week, Lexa finally made her first appearance. 

Despite the fact that it's a bit sad that the whole school is in turmoil because one student had returned, it was quite amusing to watch, although Octavia would immediately disagree with her. It is lunch break and normally she and Lincoln would show up together, but this time she was alone. Clarke doesn't need to ask to know where Lincoln is. Octavia keeps going on about the fact that Lexa doesn't need Lincoln, but Clarke thinks it's sweet that he looks out for his cousin even though the whole school has their opinion ready about her. 

When the door to the cafeteria opens and Lincoln and Lexa walk in, some people fall silent to watch her, but most of the students continue their conversation. They are either getting used to Lexa being around or their gossip is much more interesting than seeing the subject of their gossip in real life. 

Lexa doesn't walk behind Lincoln like an insecure new student. The opposite actually. She walks slightly in front of him, straight to their table. He must have told her that he usually sits with Octavia, because she doesn't even need to look around to find a place to sit. Although she walks full of confidence and determination, it is clear she'd rather be somewhere else. Her face is expressionless, except the small cocky smirk. Her bag is lazily slung across one shoulder and her step appears confident, but somehow Clarke notices the slight slouch in her shoulders and the shuffle in her step. 

Lincoln takes a seat next to Octavia and greets her with a side-hug. Lexa says a quiet and unintersted hello and then takes the free seat next to Lincoln. They all stare at her for a few seconds. Clarke feels her heart hammering in her chest, anxious about what will happen next. She gets the idea that you never know what will happen when Lexa is around. It's clear that Lincoln wants to prevent whatever scenario he envisions and he starts talking about the try-outs for football. 

Everyone at their table just seems to accept that Lexa has joined them for lunch and soon their conversations resume. Clarke tries to keep up, but she can't stop her gaze from flickering to Lexa from time to time. She just sits there, not participating in any conversation around her. With the same stoic expression that Clarke already is used to, she looks around and takes everything in like she's there for the first time.

"Has it changed much?" Clarke asks before she can even think about what she is doing. 

The table fall silent again and all eyes are on her and Lexa. Clarke gulps when Lexa's green eyes bore straight into her. There is something visible in her eyes, but it's unreadable. Clarke can't really pinpoint what it is. She would almost say it's amusement. 

Lexa raises an eyebrow. "What's your name, again?" 

Her question takes Clarke by surprise and it takes a few seconds before she finds her voice again to answer.

"Clarke," she cracks and she has to cringe about the way her name comes out. It sounds scared and intimidated, and she doesn't want Lexa to think she is impressed by her. 

"Well, Clarke," Lexa stands up and slungs her bag over her shoulder again. "I guess it changed a lot." 

With that, she walks away. Clarke eyes follow her before looking at her friends again. They stare at her with wide eyes and Raven's mouth hangs open. 

"What?" Clarke asks confused. She is aware she suprised her friends by talking to Lexa, but it isn't unlike her to talk to strangers. She knows what it is to be new somewhere and she just wanted to make Lexa feel welcome. 

Jasper starts laughing uncontrollably and the rest of the group gradually joins him with their own laughter that is much softer. 

"You remember that she set the school on fire, right?" Monty asks after a while when he starts to pity Clarke and her confusion. 

Clarke only nods. She just hopes the red on her cheeks isn't too visible. 

"Well, the fire started in the cafeteria," he finally explains. 

Clarke feels her stomach drop. "Oh." 

She didn't know. She should have known. It was the only thing the school could take about. If the blush on her cheeks wasn't noticeable before, it certainly is now. 

"Good job, Griffin," Raven chuckles. 

"Yeah," Jasper reacts disappointed. "I wanted to ask her if she still has the good stuff, and by good stuff I mean the amazing joints that the girl had." 

Raven rolls her eyes. "Shut up, Jasper. You were still sucking your thumb when she was smoking those." 

Jasper springs up, clearly offended. "I didn't suck my thumb!" 

Clarke doesn't even listen to Raven's answer. She is used to their endless bickering and has since long given up to stop it. Instead, she listens to Octavia and Lincoln, who is looking more and more awkward with each passing second. 

"Don't you need to follow her?" Octavia asks whispering. 

Lincoln shakes his head. "No, I don't. She can take care of herself." 

His answer visible relaxes Octavia and just like everyone, she continues eating her lunch. The incident forgotten for the moment.

 

* * *

 

Lexa has to do her best to swallow her food each time she takes a bite. Having dinner with Lincoln and Indra still feels unfamiliar and weird. She isn't used to eating together at the end of the day. When she was still living with her mother, her dinner was just a meal that she had heated up and she ate sitting in front of their television that was about to break down. It was for from ideal and even a bit lonely, but it was better than this.

She never had a conversation with a parental figure about school or just her day in general. It feels forced and pretty uncomfortable. She knows Lincoln and Indra are both trying, but they don't really know what to do either. 

The only thing she wants right now is to leave. To just wander around the streets, not doing anything. Maybe text some friends, who aren't actually friends, and have a good time with them. Dinner is almost finished, when Indra speaks up. 

"Lexa, I heard that you left during lunch break today," she casually remarks, but Lexa instantly knows that she has been waiting all day to ask her. 

Lexa just shrugs. "Yeah." 

Indra clears her throat to get her full attention. Lexa doesn't want to start a fight before the conversation has even started, so she looks at Indra with a polite smile on her face, which she is sure looks more like a grimace. 

"Why did you leave?" Indra continues her interrogation. 

"Who told you?" 

A impatient huff of air leaves Indra's mouth. Lincoln looks like he's about to cower away and Lexa can stop herself in time from rolling her eyes. 

"That doesn't matter right now." 

Lexa answers, before Indra can speak up again. "It was my sweet nephew over there, wasn't it? Or did Kane call you?" 

Lincoln casts his eyes down, which tells Lexa that he was indeed the one who told Indra. Lexa wonders why he told her. Is he such a mama's boy that he does everything she tells him to do, or does he simply not like her and wants to get her in trouble? Whatever it is, it's really childish and she looks at him with an angry glare in the hope that he understands what she is trying to say.  

"Lexa," Indra growls. "Now is not the time to play some game." 

"Well, just get it over then and say what you want to say," she challenges Indra. 

The impatient and disappointment on the face of her aunt stings, but Lexa is able to look past it. She just itches to leave and Indra takes to long. 

"We agreed that you would spend your lunch break with Lincoln, so you aren't alone. You didn't keep that promise," Indra finally says. 

"You just want him to keep an eye on me." 

Indra starts shaking her head before Lexa even finishes her sentence. "No, I don't. I genuinely don't want you to be alone and I just think it would be a good thing if you made some friends - real friends." 

This time, Lexa can't stop herself and she starts laughing. How old does Indra think she is? She can take care of herself. 

"Lexa," Indra tries to get her attention again, and Lexa's laughter fades away. "Sometimes people just want to help you, and you have to start accepting that." 

Help her?

Since when do people want to help her?

They sure didn't want to help her when her mother was going of track and everyhting in her life went wrong. When she was so lost that the only road she knew, was the road to self-destruction. She didn't want to move away to New York with her mother, but everyone was too happy to see her go. Out of sight, out of mind. Problem solved. She feels the pain spread from her heart, which skipped a beat, to her eyes where it starts to burn. 

She isn't going to cry in front of Lincoln and Indra. Hell, she isn't going to cry, not even when she is alone. 

It's the right time to leave. She has a reason to walk away from the awkwardness that is family dinner and she gladly takes it. 

"I will remember that, aunt Indra," she says and then she is gone. 

Finally. 

She remembers the streets in Polis like she walks around Polis everyday and didn't leave a few years ago. The air is chilly, but the summer still manages to make it comfortably warm. Everything indicates that summer really is over. The streets are empty. There are no children playing around while it's still light outside. She doesn't smell any barbeques. And despite the fact that's not even really late, it's already starting to get dark. 

Lexa begins to regret leaving the house. It's cold, even though she remembered to grab her leather jacket before slamming the door shut. Lexa buries her hands into her pockets and starts just walking down street after street. She enjoys the silence. After New York, she is so used to the constant hustle of a big city that a quiet town like Polis is a nice change. 

Eventually, she reaches a bench in a small park after walking around for what felt like ages. With a sigh, she sits down. The bench is old and she is sure that if she moves too much, the wood underneath her will break, but she doesn't have the energy to walk any further to search for another bench. She just wants to sit down and enjoy a cigarette while thinking about nothing. 

She reaches inside her the back pocket over her jeans, only to find it empty. 

"Fuck." 

She forgot she used her last cigarette after she left the cafeteria during lunch break. It makes her think back to the conversation she had with Indra and she clenches her hands out of frustration. She doesn't understand Indra. Actually, she doesn't understand anyone. She just went outside for a smoke. No big deal. It isn't like she can get in trouble during lunch break. In fact, it has been a really long time since she caused any trouble. The last time was probably when she just arrived in New York and it wasn't even her fault. Some of her classmates wanted to smoke a joint in one of the empty classrooms and she went along. She didn't even smoke anything, but when a teacher walked by she was the only one who got caught. The rest of her classmates were much more familiar with the school building and knew how to get away. Lexa, of course, didn't. She got a month detention and the school sent an angry letter to her mom, which she probably never read.

She sits on the bench for a few minutes before she gets restless again and stands up to continue her way. The most logical choice would be to go home. It's getting colder and she has school the next day. Plus, Indra probably wouldn't appreciate it if she returned late, although she is most likely already angry at her. Maybe it is better if she postponed the reprimand she will surely get.

If she is going to get yelled at, she needs a cigarette. Without having to think about it, she walks to the supermarket nearby. She knows her smoking is getting a very bad addiction and she will stop as soon as she is settled in, but with all the stress and changes, she needs to have a moment of peace. 

Of course, the supermarket hasn't changed a bit. She walks in a straight line towards the counter and waits impatiently for an employee to show up. It's late, so there aren't many customers around. The supermarket holds the same peace and quietness as the streets. She reads some useless flyers which advertises some new products. At least, it gives her something to do. 

"Hi, how can I help you?" 

A voice snaps her out of her daze she has slowly fallen into. She pushes the folder away and looks at the employee. A look of recognition flashes across beautiful blue eyes.

"Oh, Lexa. Hi," Clarke stutters and a small smile appears on Lexa's face, which she immediately hides. She needs Clarke to be a bit scared of her, so she doesn't make any trouble of selling her cigarettes. Or should she flirt with her? Lexa is still contemplating the best approach, when Clarke realizes she is at work and has a customer to help. 

"So, what can I do for you?" 

"Just a small pack of Malboro," Lexa answers as casually, but at the same time intimidating. She hopes, at least, that she sounds intimidating. 

It clearly doesn't work when Clarke starts laughing. It's a melodic sound and Lexa would actually enjoy it if Clarke wasn't laughing at her. 

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Lexa asks angrily. 

"This isn't New York. Here, you have to be 21 to purchase cigarettes," she explains, still with that stupid polite smile that she only uses for customers, but there is something else. A teasing smirk adorns her face. Clarke has the law to back her up and Lexa knows she will use it. Clarke looks like someone who follows all the rules, which is something Lexa has never been good at. She wants to make her own rules. She doesn't have the angelic attitude that she is sure Clarke has. It would be pretty fun to get a rise out of her.   

"They actually raised the age limit to 21 there too," Lexa states instead and she has no idea why. It isn't like the information could annoy Clarke or even be useful.

"Well, then you should know better than trying to buy cigarettes."

Lexa sighs. This is going to be harder than she expected. The most logical choice would be to just give up and go home, but she isn't one to give up. Besides, it irks her that Clarke thinks that she can outsmart her. Lexa couldn't remember an argument which she couldn't win. Right now, however, she isn't so sure anymore. The determination in Clarke's eyes let her know she isn't going to give in. 

"Fine," Lexa gives in. She has always had a weak spot for pretty blondes with blue eyes. Moreover, she remembers a small shop a few blocks away where she can try to get some cigarettes too. It isn't like she is giving up. She just goes for the smarter choice. 

She turns around abruptly and starts to leave the shop again, when she hears Clarke call for her. 

"It's unhealthy you know?" 

"What is?" Lexa asks confused. 

Clarke chuckles. "You know what."

Right. The cigarettes. To be honest, Lexa had already forgotten about those. Her mind was occupied with a blue that could compete with the colour of the brightest, unpolluted sea and with a laugh that she wants to hear again. It are thoughts she isn't ready to face. 

"I don't care," she lets Clarke know before leaving for real this time. 

 

* * *

 

  

 Clarke opens the door to her house with a sigh. Today was a long shift. It wasn't like she needed to work more hours than she normally would, but time seemed to move even slower than during her other shifts. That was until Lexa came in, of course. She still hasn't made her mind up about her visit. 

She doesn't have long to think about her, because her mother interupts her thoughts. 

"Clarke, is that you?" 

Clarke takes off her coat and tosses her car keys in the bowl on the small table in the hall. "Yes, mom!" 

She takes a second before entering the living room. It's always a surprise in what mood her mom is after working all day. If all operations went as planned, they will have a nice evening, but if something happened, Abby is insufferable. 

"Hi," Clarke greets her when she demonstratively sits down next to her mom. 

Abby doesn't look away from the television where some news channel is on. "How was it?"

Clarke shrugs. "It was okay." 

Her mother only hums, her eyes still trained on the television, but Clarke can see in her eyes that she isn't actually watching. She is too distracted going over her operations that day, or maybe thinking about the patients she will be operating on next day.

With a shake of her head, Clarke stands up again. In moments like these she misses her dad. She was still very young when he passed away. However, that doesn't mean that can't remember him. Sure, she doesn't remember everything, but the memories of him cracking jokes are still fresh on her mind.

"I will be in my room," Clarke tells her mom just in case. She barely gets a reaction from her mom. Abby is acting different than normal. She is always a bit distracted, but somehow this feels different. Usually, Clarke doesn't talk to her mom when she is like this, unless she wants an elaborate description of every operation that day or she just gets a vague answer. Her mom is a woman of extremes. It was all or nothing and Clarke was used to it, so she surprises herself by pausing before walking up the stairs. 

"Everything alright, mom?" she asks tentatively. 

This makes her mother look away from the TV. "I spoke to Susan today," she answers as if Clarke should know who she is talking about. 

Clarke just waits for her mother to continue talking while she uncertainly walks back into the living room. A thousand thoughts cross her mind. Whatever conversation her mother had with this Susan has left her really unsettled. 

"Who is Susan?" Clarke asks eventually. 

"She is Costia's mother," Abby finally explains. "She was talking about a certain Lexa and the bad influence she had on her daughter. She told me Lexa had returned to your school, so let me be clear Clarke. I don't want you anywhere near that girl." 

Abby actually uses her stern voice, which she only uses when she is really serious and it takes Clarke of guard. She thinks back to earlier that evening. They only had a short conversation and it wasn't exactly friendly, but she doesn't appear to be as bad as everyone thinks she is. 

"No, Clarke," Abby almost growls. "I know that look, you stay away."

Clarke knows it's better to just go along with what her mother tells her. She isn't in the mood to argue and especially not because she somehow wants to defend someone she barely knows. 

"Of course," she promises, although her mother should know better. She can talk to whoever she wants to and that includes a mysterious brunette that has sparked Clarke's curiosity.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, that was a long wait. I'm really sorry!!  
> Now I'm sure where I want to go with this story, I will try to update much sooner. 
> 
> Let me know if you liked this chapter and what you want to happen next!


	4. Chapter 4

It's probably the last warm day of the summer, so they all decided to go to Finn's to swim one last time before it would get too cold to do so. Actually, it already was too cold, but that didn't seem to bother her friends like it bothboth Clarke. While her friends were enjoying their time in the pool, Clarke was sitting in one of the chairs nearby with a sketch pad in her lap. At first, she was making sketches of random things she saw in Finn's immense garden, but she quickly got lost in her own thoughts. 

Clarke tried but she can't stop herself from letting her thoughts drift off to Lexa. She has to admit that Lexa's return is slightly disappointing. As much buzz and hype there was about Arcadia's notorious badass returning, the days since she showed up for the first time were just normal - almost too normal.

Abby would be glad to hear that Clarke wasn't anywhere near Lexa, but only because Lexa simply wasn't around. She showed up at school, went to her classes and then just went home. After the first day she never ate lunch with them again. From then on, she just disappeared during lunch and Clarke secretly wondered where she went. Arcadia High School was quite big, but there were only a few spots where students could spend their lunch break and she didn't hear anyone talking about spotting Lexa somewhere.  

"Clarke, come on!" 

Octavia's voice snaps her out of her thoughts. Clarke puts her sketchpad down to look at her and she has to stop herself from rolling her eyes when she sees Octavia sitting on Lincoln's shoulders. Jasper has somehow managed to climb on Monty's shoulders without breaking Monty's neck. A chuckle leaves Clarke's lips when she sees how Monty almost disappears under water, which is a stark contrast from Lincoln, who is standing tall above the water. His impressive muscles on show, of course. Raven is sitting on Bellamy's shoulders, which only leaves one person without a partner. 

Finn Collins. 

Clarke already knows what is coming, but she wants to postpone it as long as possible, so she pretends she has no idea what Octavia wants. 

"Drop the moody artist act and join the fun!" Raven shouts while trying to push Jasper away, who has been trying to make Raven fall from Bellamy's shoulders. 

She sees their hopeful looks, but ignores it. All she wants is to finish her sketch, because she has no idea if she will be able to draw as much as she did during the summer. Actually, she is sure she can't. Senior year will be busy and she just won't have enough time for her art, unfortunately. 

Her hopes for a quiet afternoon drawing with the sound of her friends in the background quickly disappear when she sees Finn climbing out of the pool. With water dripping from his long hair, he runs towards her.  

"It will be fun, princess," he says while holding out his hands. Water drips from his hands on her sketch pad and Clarke is just in time to pull it away before her sketch is ruined. 

Clarke shakes her head. "I'm fine over here." 

Finn has never accepted rejection easily, so this time he doesn't just give up either. He pulls the sketch pad from her hands and casually throws it on the ground without caring if it is damaged or not. Next he grabs her hand. His hand is rough and Clarke's hand is clenched uncomfortable. "Well, this is my pool and my house, so I demand that you come swim with us." 

Clarke pushes his hand away and bends down to pick up her sketch pad. She blows the sand from the paper to inspect the damage. Luckily, her sketch isn't completely ruined. Finn is lucky. Nevertheless, she sends Finn something close to a death glare. 

"Wrong move, Collins!" Octavia shouts from the pool. The rest of her friends laugh. Unlike Clarke, they always laugh about Finn's advances and are never too shy to tease him about his endless atempts.  

Clarke can only agree with Octavia. "I'm not exactly sure that is how it works," she tries to back off, but Finn isn't going to give up and Clarke knows this. 

"Please, for me," he tries again with that stupid boyish grin on his face. "It would make my day!" 

This time, Clarke rolls her eyes. She has always known that Finn has a flair for the dramatics, but it started to bother her once he had set his eyes on her. Almost every girl in her high school swoons over him. Instead of choosing one of those girls, he chose Clarke to pursuit and from then on he didn't leave her alone. If Finn Collins wanted something, he got it. It always worked with everything and everyone, except Clarke. Normally, she wouldn't go along with his act, but today she doesn't have it in her to reject him over and over again.   

"Fine," she mumbles and allows him to grab her hand and lead her over to the pool.

"Go, Griffin!" Raven shouts excited.

Finn is wise enough not to push or pull her into the pool and he waits patiently for Clarke to jump in. He helps her on his muscled shoulders and then the fun begins. Raven attacks her first and tries to bring her and Finn out of balance, but Finn manages to keep standing. From the corner of her eye, Clarke sees how Jasper easily falls after Octavia gives him a light push. Clarke isn't sure if he falls because he isn't really strong or just because he wants to fall into the cold water. She can't think about it for long, because their wrestling continues and Clarke has to admit she has more fun than she thought she would. It's the start of their school year and despite this being her last and probably busiest year in high school, she knows it will be a good one. 

After spending what felt like hours in the water, Clarke and her friends are sitting in a big circle in the middle of the garden. She has a big fluffy towel wrapped around her and is just joking around with her friends while warming up in the last sunshine of that day. 

"Tommorow again, guys?" Jasper suggests after a while. 

Clarke feels her stomach drop with disappointment. "I'm sorry, I have to work tommorow."

"On a Sunday?" Raven immediatly asks shocked. 

"Yeah," Clarke shrugs. "But it pays double, so I'm not complaining." 

Finn shakes his head. "I still don't understand why you have to work, princess." 

He's clearly the most disappointed that she can't come tomorrow. 

"Because mama G is done paying for her art stuff," Raven explains with a slight chuckle. 

It makes Clarke wonder if Raven is satisfied by the fact that she has to work for her money now too. At least, it makes Clarke feel less guilty. Her friends had to work if they wanted to buy something while Abby paid for most of the stuff Clarke wanted. That doesn't happen anymore.

"That's bullshit," Finn states. 

Octavia snorts. "What? People having to work for their money?" Her voice drips with feign surprise. 

Everyone laughs, but only because they know Finn can handle it. He's aware he is a bit out of touch with reality sometimes, so he doesn't mind when they joke about it. It's what makes their group of friends so tight. They all have their flaws, yet they are able to laugh about it and not take themselves to seriously. 

Clarkesimply leans back and enjoys the time with her friends.  

  

 

* * *

 

Lexa never thought she would walk so much. All day she just walks. One foot in front of the other. All day. She is sure she will be able to hike the Appalachian National Scenic Trail, which is apparently the longest hiking path in the world, by the end of the year. She can't even remember where she read about it. Maybe in one of the book stores where she spend quite a lot of time when she still lived in New York. There aren't many places in Polis where she can spend her free time. Her only option is to say home, and she has never been really good at that. 

Indra was gone all day, running errands that are typical for a Saturday and Lincoln was spending time with Octavia and her friends. He even asked her if she wanted to come too, at which she just laughed before walking away. However, it meant that she was alone in a house that doesn't feel like her home, yet. She just feels awkward walking around, like being in a stranger's house for the first time. 

There are pictures on the wall from events that she didn't know had even happened, like Lincoln's first day at high school. She was a sophomore back then, but she surely wasn't around when her nephew had his first day as a freshman. Even though she tries, she just can't remember that day. She has no idea if it is because the day wasn't very impressive, which isn't very unlikely. She just hopes that days blurring together is the reason she missed a milestone in the life of her closest family, although it probably isn't the reason. It's more likely that she skipped the first day of the schoolyear. 

So many big events that she missed because she wasn't around - just like her mom. It makes her realize how much she acted like her mother, even though she always said she would never turn out like her. In the end, she is exactly like her mother and it terrifies her. 

Walking around the house is too much of a confrontation and as soon as Lincoln's car left the drive way, she was gone too. She didn't want Lincoln to know that she left the house. It would only worry him. Not because he was worried about her safety, of course, but he - and Indra too - didn't like not knowing where she was and what she was doing. It amazed her that everyone still thought she would get in trouble so easily. She is almost tempted to simply do something that would cause problems, only to spite everyone. 

She looks around for something that could help her get in trouble, which is when her eyes fall on the small playground on the corner of the street. Her heart skips a bit and she feels unecessary panic spread through her body. It makes her stand still for a second and just stare at the swing, the seesaw and the sandbox. It's nothing more, but it feels so much bigger. 

Slowly and dreadfully, she walks towards the playground and takes a seat on the old bench that desperately needs to be replaced. She looks at the everything in the playground and once again states that nothing has changed in Polis. The seesaw still creak while it slightly moves up and down, driven by gravity and the wind. The sand in the sandbox is too hard for children to properly play in. The only thing that changed, is the swing. One of the local residents probably was going crazy from the squeaky sound and greased it, which was long overdue. As long as Lexa can remember, the swings always made a particular, annoying sound and she almost feels nostalgic now that it's gone.  

_Costia had occupied the swing next to her. Her wide, brown eyes were focused on Lexa, like they always were._

_"You always dare to go so high," she said a bit envious._

_Lexa felt herself fill with pride. It was stupid to be proud of not being afraid of heights, but somehow every compliment Costia gave her made her feel proud. It had probably to do with the fact that she didn't get praised often._

_"I know you can do it too," Lexa encouraged her._

_Costia chuckled. "You know I can't. Heights are scary." Mid-sentence her smile had turned into a small pout. She started to swing back and forth a bit, which caused the swing to make a creaking sound._

_Lexa immediately tried to come up with something to cheer her best friend up, but it wasn't necessary. She was already smiling again. With Costia things were light and innocent, which was something they both had never experienced before in their short lives._

_She was so grateful to have Costia as her best friend. Costia didn't care about having to share her lunch with Lexa, who didn't have any food at her house because her mom hadn't been home for over a week._

_Costia could talk endlessly and Lexa would just listen. She would always listen to Costia, just because she was Costia._

_As much as Costia liked to talk, they didn't really talk about real stuff. They never talked about the black and blue on brown skin that would sometimes creep from under her sleeves. They never talked about the fact that Lexa had holes in her shoes and couldn't ask her mother for new ones, because she was either too drunk to care or not home long enough to notice._

_"My friend is afraid of heights too," a voice suddenly interrupts their conversation._

_Both Lexa and Costia look surprised at the new girl who is standing in front of them with a daring smile on her face._

_"Oh," was the only thing Lexa uttered. She had never been really good at talking with strangers. Most of the time it was Costia who did the talking._

_This time was no different. "Who is your friend?"_

_The girl walked closer as if she was going to tell something really exciting. "Nia's brother, Roan."_

_Lexa had no idea who those people were. She actually had no idea who the girl in front of her was, but Costia seemed eager to make a new friend, so Lexa went along._

_"I don't know who that is," she tells her._

_This drew the attention back to Lexa._

_"Nia and Roan Queen," the girl answered proudly._

_"Queen?" Costia asked with her curious, yet amused voice that is so distinctive for her best friend._

_The girl nodded enthusiastically. "They are older, so you can't know them."_

_"How old?" Costia asked distrustfully. She always wanted to be older than her real age. Lexa didn't understand why. She didn't really look forward to having to go to middle school and eventually high school. Everything would be so much bigger and more important than just elementary school. She would never admit it out loud, because then she would be weak, but she was really afraid to lose Costia. Costia was so much better than her and when she met other people, she would surely forget about Lexa._

_"They are already in middle school, but I'm sure they want to play with us," the girl promised them._

_Lexa watched how Costia's eyes started to sparkle with excitement. "Come on, Lex."_

_Reluctantly, Lexa jumped from the swing to follow Costia and the new girl, who was apparently their new friend._

_"What's your name?" she heard Costia ask._

_The girl grinned. "Ontari."_

 

Lexa is shaken from her thoughts by a voice. "Aren't you a bit old to hang around in a playground?" 

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke lets the peacefulness that is so typical for a late summer evening engulve her. She needs silence to slow her down again after a whole day with her friends. Of course, she loves them, but they can be a handful sometimes. Most of the time, actually. Clarke knows she is just like her friends, although she often has to be the responsible one together with Bellamy, which she doesn't really mind.

Raven offered to drive her home after spending the afternoon at Finn's, but Clarke declined. She doesn't live too far from Finn, so it's actually a nice walk. As much as she likes to spend time with her friends, she also needs some time alone to retreat, so she can get lost in her own thoughts while painting, for instance. Or just taking a walk around town. 

It's a strange feeling walking around Polis. She knows the streets by now, but it doesn't feel how a home town can feel. The streets have no meaning to her. She doesn't have any memories from playing on these streets with friends when she was younger. She didn't learn how to ride a bicycle on the streets. That all happened in a town for away. With completly different people. With Wells, with whom she had been friends since kinder garten. With her dad. 

Before she can get lost in her memories, she spots someone sitting on a bench in the playground not too far from her house. She remembers hearing her neighbours complaining about the playground during a BBQ they had in the summer. Apparently, the swing and seesaw made too much noise. Clarke softly scoffs thinking back at that conversation. 

Lexa sitting in a playground is an almost funny contrast. Her dark leather jacket and whole attitude stand out against the innocent characteristic which is so typical for a playground. Clarke notices how Lexa seems far away in her thoughts. She is leaning with her arms on her legs, her eyes are downcast and, from what Clarke can see, she's just looking at ground. 

For a second, she contemplates to just continue her walk and pretending she didn't see Lexa. After all, she's almost home and she actually longs to have some downtime before working again tommorow, yet somehow, she stands still and looks at Lexa. She thinks back at that afternoon. The great time she had with her friends and then she tries to imagine what Lexa did that afternoon. Had she sat there all day? Alone?

She probably was alone. It's very likely that Abby isn't the only parent who told their kids not to hang out with Lexa. Clarke finds it hard to imagine that the whole town distrust Lexa, while she didn't even do anything. She just came back after living in the city for a few years and goes to her old school again. Sure, she's gone during the lunch, but that isn't suspicious enough to cause all the misgivings around her. 

Maybe it is because Clarke hadn't moved to Polis yet when the fire happened, and therefore doesn't have the same suspicion towards Lexa as everyone seems to have. Clarke knows she has never been one to fall in line and just follow the rules. Why should she start now?

With a confident stride, she walks towards Lexa. 

"Aren't you a bit old to hang around in a playground?" 

Lexa's eyes snap up from the spot on the sandy floor. Clarke is standing in front of her and she tries to make eye-contact with Lexa while having a smile on her face, which hopefully reassures Lexa that she's just here for a friendly conversation. Although, Clarke has to be honest with herself. She has no idea what she's even doing here, talking to Lexa in an abandoned playground in the evening.  

Clarke starts to wonder if Lexa is even going to answer her. She has her eyes trained on Clarke and Clarke feels her heart skip a beat when green eyes make contact with her own blue eyes. For a few seconds, which feels like minutes, Lexa just looks her straight in the eye. Her eyebrows slightly furrowed. Everything makes her feel like she's being sized up. 

Just when Clarke is starting to feel too uncomfortable and wants to leave, Lexa surprises her by speaking up. 

"Maybe I'm just trying to relive some memories. Nothing wrong with some nostalgia, right?"

It isn't really a very odd answer, but it takes Clarke off guard. She's lost for words for a moment. Meanwhile, Lexa keeps looking at her with those big and even curious eyes.  

"Is this were you spend your lunchbreak?" Clarke asks suddenly, even surprising herself. 

This times, it's Lexa who seems to be caught off guard. Clearly, she didn't think her absence would be noted or she didn't think anybody would have the guts to call her out about it. 

"Maybe," Lexa answers evasive. "Why? Did you miss me?" 

That teasing and cocky grin that Clarke has come to associate with Lexa has appeared on her face. Normally, Clarke isn't one for cockiness, but somehow she doesn't mind it when it's Lexa. At least, she doesn't think she minds. It isn't too unusual that she can't make her mind up about Lexa and Clarke gets the feeling that Lexa has reached the same conclusion while she was taking Clarke in a few seconds ago. It causes a blush to spread across her cheeks. However, Clarke isn't one to back down so easily. 

"No, but you made quite an impression during your first lunch." 

This makes Lexa raise on eyebrow at Clarke. "I did, didn't I? I do that a lot, I hear."

Lexa keeps on baffling her and Clarke starts to wonder if she will ever be able to have a normal conversation with Lexa without turning into a insecure, mumbling teenager. 

"What are you even doing here?" Clarke blurts out, which only gives away her nervousness that has suddenly taken over her body. 

Lexa just shrugs. "Looking for something to vandalize." 

Clarke is silent while she thinks about what Lexa said. She has to process it and when she looks at Lexa, she notices a glint of amusement in her eyes and she knows Lexa is just joking, which still seems an unusual thing for Lexa to do. 

A nervous chuckle escapes Clarke's mouth, followed by a harder laugh. It doesn't last long. When Clarke is silent again, she looks at Lexa again. The amusment in her eyes is gone and has made room for something else, something Clarke doesn't understand. 

All of a sudden, Lexa stands up and brushes some imaginary dirt from her jeans. 

"See you around, Griffin," she states without looking at Clarke again and then she just walks away, leaving Clarke standing alone in the playground. The only thing Clarke can do is watch how Lexa grabs a cigarette from the pocket of her jacket and put it in her mouth. She has rounded the corner before Clarke can see her get a lighter.

 

"See you around, Woods," she mumbles.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you liked this chapter. Let me know if you did!
> 
> Furthermore, I'm planning to write more flashbacks, so let me know what you thought of this one :)


	5. Chapter 5

 

Clarke nervously fidgets with her hands while Niylah looks at her painting. Actually, it's the start of her painting. She has only started painting this morning. It's supposed to be their first big painting, and therefore the most important one. 

After Niylah had explained what she expected from her students, ideas began swarming in Clarke's mind. Her creativity peaked and she had a hard time choosing what she wanted to paint on the big canvas in front of her. It is the first time she is using a canvas this big - and she has to admit it's a bit intimidating. There are so many possibilities that she is almost overwhelmed. Yet, at the same time the big canvas gives her a feeling of freedom. 

That freedom inspired her to just start painting and let her inspiration at the moment guide her, which is maybe the best way to paint. 

Clarke likes what she has done so far, but her opinion isn't the most important at the moment. From the corner of her eye, Clarke tries to interpret Niylah's expression. Does she like it or not? 

Clarke knows that whether she feels good about her painting or not is the most important thing. However, Niylah's opinion isn't insignificant either. She went to a renowned art school and decided to teach art classes at Polis High to get more experience in the field. It doesn't help that she's also very pretty. 

"I like what you did there," Niylah finally states while gesturing towards the corner of the painting. "I like the way you used old techniques, while also adding your own touch to it with the use of green." 

Clarke can only nod. "Thanks," she reacts with a squeaky voice. 

Niylah obviously notices her nervousness and gives her an encouraging smile. "I know there are a few books about this particular technique in the library. Maybe you can check it out?" she suggests. 

Clarke nods again. "I will." 

Before Niylah can say anything else, the bell rings. The other students start to leave the classroom. Hastily, Clarke packs her bag. She wants to borrow the books Niylah was talking about from the library before having lunch with her friends at the cafetaria. 

She throws a bye over her shoulder while she hurries out of the classroom towards the library. The librarian looks annoyed at her when she enters the library. Being stressed and going to the library doesn't go together. There's always this certain atmosphere caused by being surrounded by books that doesn't allow students to walk around stressed and anxious. The forced silence only adds to that. 

After offering the librarian an apologetic smile, Clarke makes her way over to the section where all the books related to art and culture are, which is intentionally in the back of the library. Not many students are interested in those subjects and therefore the art section is only a small part of the library. 

She scans over the shelfs of the bookcase and grabs some books based on the title on the spine of the book. If the summary on the back cover confirms the book talks about the technique she used, she puts it aside. She knows it would go faster to just search in the catalog on the computer, but she can't even remember ever using a computer in the library during lunchbreak. They are always occupied by stressed students who need to finish a report last minute. 

When she turns around with a pile of books in her hands, her eyes fall on the big, leather couch which is too old for students to comfortably relax and read on - and therefore also put in the back of the library. 

Clarke knows she didn't hide her surprise at seeing Lexa relaxing on the couch after green eyes flicker to the wall for a second with a defeated look, but it's just a second before Lexa's eyes are on Clarke again. She has to gulp when Lexa doesn't break eye contact with her. The girl in front of her is still hard to read. She looked like she was annoyed a few seconds ago, but that has disappeared again. Now she's just Lexa, as always hard to read, but somehow she appears to be enjoying herself. It certainly doesn't show on her face, which is as impassive as ever. 

The corners of her mouth aren't turned upwards, but she doens't frown either. Her eyes, however, have a particular glint to it that Clarke has recently figured out as amusement. It's the only indication she has that Lexa doesn't want her to leave. 

"Fancy seeing you here, Griffin," Lexa says casually while she flings her legs off the couch. She leans back and folds her hands in her lap, her eyes still trained on Clarke. "What are you doing here?" 

Clarke shrugs while she searches for an answer, which she didn't need to think about were it anybody else asking the question.

"Borrowing some books obviously," she answers after finding her voice and common sense again. 

Lexa nods accepting the answer. "Sounds logical." 

A scoff escapes Clarke's mouth. "Logical? What else would you do at a library?" 

This makes Lexa smile, even though it wasn't Clarke intention. 

"Sell some drugs or do drugs. Maybe read how to make meth," Lexa replies seriously and stoically as always. 

It takes a moment for Clarke to realize that perhaps Lexa isn't serious, although she can't help but try to figure out what to do. Does she need to report this if she ever found out that someone was indeed doing drugs in the library? 

Her thoughts get interrupted by a chuckle from Lexa and Clarke finds herself surprised again. 

"Relax, Griffin. I was just joking." 

Clarke lets out a relieved huff of air. "Sure, I knew that," she tries to save herself in vain. 

"There are way better places to do that," Lexa adds with a wink and this time Clarke knows she is joking. She joins Lexa's soft chuckle for a second, before they fall silent again. 

"But, seriously," Clarke decides to try again. "What are you doing here?" 

Lexa bends forward and picks up a book that was laying on the ground. "Has it ever come up in that judgemental head of yours that I like to read?" 

Clarke is determined not to let Lexa get to her. In every conversation she has with the brunette, she knows how to get Clarke to be stunned for a few seconds. 

"Has is ever come up in your head that I'm just showing interest in you instead of judging you?" 

This time, it's Lexa who looks surprised. However, her stunned silence doesn't take as long as Clarke's does most of the time. 

"So, you're interested in me?" Lexa asks with a smirk. 

Clarke has to stop herself from facepalming. Of course, that's the only thing Lexa picks up. "You know it's impossible to have a normal conversation with you," Clarke states with a sigh. 

Lexa raises an eyebrow at that. "Well, sit down and let us have a normal conversation." 

Clarke nods as if she's thinking whether to accept Lexa's offer or not, but it actually gives her time to process everything. If she has to believe Lexa, which she doesn't know if she can, Lexa spends her lunch in the library because she likes to read. It seems so much out of character, which can only mean two things. Lexa is lying and actually making fun of her or Clarke is once again wrong about Lexa. She gets the feeling it's the latter. 

"Fine," she agrees and sits down next to Lexa on the couch after putting her pile of books on the ground. It's just then that she notices how much her muscles had started to hurt carrying those books. She shakes her arms slightly to get rid of ache in her muscles. 

"I was wondering how long you would have continued to carry those books," Lexa tells her when she notices Clarke's movement. 

 Clarke gives Lexa a small eye-roll and then they just talk - with hushed voices, of course. It's like she is talking with her friends. They talk about shallow things like school and hobbies. They even talk about the weather, but it's amusing and even fascinating to be with Lexa in this normal and casual way. 

Shenever imagined she would like to learn that Lexa loves to read books about nature. Or that she considered joining the cross team when she was younger.

Clarke feels her heart flutter every time Lexa's stoic expression makes room for a small smirk during their conversation. When she looks at Lexa, it feels as if she is getting closer and closer to a cliff with no point of return. Clarke, however, starts to realize that maybe she's willing to take a risk and just jump.

* * *

 

Dinner is a quiet affair, as usual. Lincoln is spending time with Octavia, so it's just her and Indra. Since they both aren't really talkative, they eat in silence. It isn't the first it they had a dinner like this since she moved in with them, but this time it feels different. 

Lexa pretends to be focussed on the plate in front of her, but she notices how Indra sometimes opens her mouth as to say something and then abruptly closes it again. It's very unlike Indra to hold back when she wants to say something and even though she doesn't really want to, Lexa decides to let it go for now. She just has to wait to see how the situation will play out. That's why she continues to eat her dinner and trying her best to appear to be unbotherd by the silence. 

It's when she wants to put her plate in the kitchen and go back to her room that Indra finally speaks up. 

"Lexa, wait. I wanted to discuss something with you." 

She gestures to the stool Lexa had just been sitting on as if she's telling a client they can take a seat during a meeting. Lexa sees Indra is serious and she's acting too much like a lawyer for Lexa to not do as she wants. Like a obedient child, Lexa takes a seat again. She raises an eyebrow when Indra doesn't immediately start talking. 

"No need to sugercoat whatever you want to say," Lexa says with a sigh and slight roll of her eye. 

It isn't that she needs to do something or has to be somewhere. The fact that Indra is uncomfortable and unsure makes Lexa anxious. She's never been good at dealing with anxiousness. Usually, she would just leave the room or house, but that isn't an option right now. Her mother might not have a problem with her leaving, but, thankfully, Indra is different. 

Indra nods before finally continuing. "I've noticed that you've changed. You're going to school, stopped leaving the house at night. Things are just going better and I'm proud of you for turning your life around."

Indra's statement takes her by surprise. She's used to being yelles at whenever she has a serious conversation like this. The last thing she expected was to get praised by Indra. And as much as she wants to enjoy it, Indra's compliment only makes her think there will be a catch. After all, there's always a catch.

Lexa's heart starts beating faster and she feels her throat go dry. Wishfully, she looks at the empty glass on the table. She wonders where Indra wants to go with this conversation. 

"Yeah," Lexa mumbles in agreement, just to let Indra know that she's listening. 

"You aren't the only one who has been trying to change," Indra adds after a second. 

This makes Lexa's eyes go wide. She can only think of one person who needs to change and she isn't ready to talk about that person. She doesn't want to talk about her mother. 

She shakes her head, but Indra ignores her obvious disagreement. 

"I was thinking about inviting your mother over for Thanksgiving." 

Lexa continues shaking her head. Her eyes start to burn and she feels how tears are slowly welling in the corners of her eyes. Sure, she wasn't happy about having to leave New York, but that doesn't mean that she wants things to go back to how they were. Her mother is still in New York and she can stay there if it were up to Lexa. 

"No," she replies resolutely. 

Indra sighs with a shake of her head as if she had been expecting Lexa's answers. "I know things didn't always work out between you two, but she's still your mother and she's still Gustus' sister." 

Lexa watches how Indra has to swallow and take a deep breath after mentioning her late husband. She feels for Indra, but she isn't going to change her mind. The last thing she wants is to have her mother back into her life. 

"That might be, but that doesn't mean she can show up whenever she feels like it." Lexa's voice becomes higher while she feels the frustration cursing through her body. Why does it always feels as if nobody is listening to her?

"I haven't asked her yet. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about it. No secrets, remember?" 

Lexa can't help but chuckle at Indra's last statement. It's childish and they both know it, yet it was a rule that Indra came up with when Lexa had just started living with them. 

"Sure," she mumbles before leaving the dining room. She wanted to stay and maybe talk with Indra, but the atmosphere had become to heavy with memories. Without even really noticing it, she walks up the stairs, leaving Indra alone in the dinner room sighing desprately. 

Lexa enters her room and slams the door behind her, just to let her frustration out. 

She closes her eyes with so much force that stars start to dance in front of her. With much effort she wills her tears back and then just lays on her bed staring at the ceiling. She tries not to drown in her own memories. 

Instead, her mind goes to a certain blonde with whom she talked during lunch. She liked talking with Clarke. Somehow, it felt different and maybe she had underestimated Clarke. She had expected her to back off after the novelty of her return had wore off, but Clarke still offered her a small smile when they passed each other in the hallway and now she even tried to talk to her. It's exciting, but at the same time confusing. She doesn't have the energy to think about that too, so she pushes the thoughts of Clarke away.  

It, however, means that she starts to think about what Indra just said. She doesn't want her mother here with Thanksgiving. It's as simple as that. Indra might think differently, but Lexa knows her mother doesn't deserve to be there celebrating with them as if she isn't responsible for Lexa having to spend so many holidays alone in their house with frozen pizza. Or for Lexa feeling like a stray cat when Indra takes her in during the holidays.

Lexa knows she should just stay in her room and go to sleep in the hopes that Indra will have forgotten about her plan tomorrow, even though she knows that is very unlikely. It fills her with an anger and resentment that just makes her restless. She stands up, only to sit down again a second later. She wants to scream and shout, just to be heard for once, but her throat is too dry to even get a sound out.

She knows she can't stay put in her room all night like this. She's never liked being inside all day, after all. She's used to being outside - escaping - most of the time. It makes her think back to her freshman and sophomore year of high school and especially to the friends she made then. She spent a lot of time with them before she got too caught up in Nia's plans. Lexa can only hope that her old friends still hang out at the same spot.

Filled with determination after finally knowing what she wants to do, she grabs her leather jacket from her closet and runs down the stairs. She hears Indra shout her name after she opened the door, but she ignores it. 

She almost runs away from the house, too afraid that Indra will come after her and drag her back home. Only when she's a few blocks away from the house, Lexa slows down again and catches her breath. 

Without even having to think about it, she walks towards the destination she has in mind. A feeling of relief, but at the same time also fear washes over her when she spots the familiar big building at the edge of the town. It's an old abandoned factory that has somehow escaped the wave of gentrification that has washed over Polis. Most of the windows have been shattered by teenagers throwing rocks at it. The lightning around the building has been broken for as long as she can remember. If she weren't familiar with the building and most of the people who come there, she would be scared. Clarke probably would be scared, although Lexa is sure Clarke will never admit to being scared. 

The fact that once again sudden thoughts about Clarke come up in her head unexpectedly put her off. Lexa tries to get rid of them with a shake of her head. She's come here to forget and just have a good time and not to pine after a pretty girl. 

She doesn't want to wait any longer, so Lexa pushes against the door and is almost dissappointed to find out it isn't locked. It means she has no excuse to leave. Not wanting to make any bad decisions is probably a good excuse, but Lexa has never been good at that and therefore she continues entering the building.  

The door creaks when she opens it further. The sounds echoes around the building and Lexa waits until she hears the bang from the door closing before she continues walking further into the buiding. It's even darker inside the building and she has to use the flashlight on her phone to be able to see. Not that she really needs it. The sound of music and laughter becomes louder and louder as she walks deeper into the building and guides her where she has to go. 

Just a few more steps and there will be a staircase on her left, if she remembers it correct. The echo of her footsteps is overpowered by the sounds from upstairs. It's the first time that Lexa realizes that this is actually a pretty unsafe situation. Anyone with bad intentions could come in and they wouldn't even hear it. 

It turns out she's right and a small staircase appears on her left. Taking two steps at a time, she climbs the old staircase, which state has only become worse over the years. Once she is upstairs, she is engulfed by the strong smell of weed and sweat. For a second, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. It gives her time to contemplate everything again, yet she decides to stay. The other options would be to return home to Indra's wrath or wander around town for the rest of the night. Spending some time with her old friends definitely sounds better. 

She enters the open room and has to blink to help her eyes adjust to the sudden light. It becomes more silent and Lexa knows they have recognized her without even having to see the shocked looks on their faces. 

"Is that you, Lex?" she hears someone say. 

Lexa looks directly at a girl with wild brown hair that is even harder to tame than her own curls. "Yes, it is," she says with melancholia in her voice. "It's good to see you again, Luna." 

Luna stands up from the couch she has been slouching on and walks with a slight wobble in her step towards Lexa to give her a hug. When she is close enough, Lexa can see her red eyes. She knows it isn't from tears after seeing an old friend again. The smell of weed around Luna only confirms this. It doesn't really matter. Lexa returns her hug and lets herself be pulled towards to couch. Luna pushes someone away to make room for Lexa, who lets herself fall on the uncomfortable and worn out couch. She immediately gets offered a joint and she accepts it gratefully. After putting it between her lips, she takes a long drag and let the smoke fill her lungs and mouth before breating out again. 

"Since when are you back?" Luna asks curiously, even though she sounds like she's far away in her own world again. 

Lexa shrugs while taking another drag from the joint. "A few weeks ago," she answers at the same time she releases the smoke from her mouth. 

"It's good to have you back," Nyko mumbles from beside her, but Lexa doensn't really register her other old friend sitting next to her. 

The drugs are already starting to work faster than she's used to. It's probably because she hasn't smoked weed in a long time and she starts to wonder why, because it's the best feeling in the world. She closes her eyes and lets the effects of weed take over her body. 

 

* * *

 

_She was scared._

_There was no other way of putting it. She was scared of the older people who were laying on the ground just staring at something in front of them that wasn't there. She was scared of the weird smell that seemed to hang everywhere in the old factory._

_Judging by the fact that Costia was moving closer and closer towards Lexa until she was practically clamping Lexa's arm, Costia was scared to. It filled Lexa with a sense of protectiveness that made her push away her own fear._

_She put her arm around Costia and pulled her closer._

_Lexa saw how Nia noticed this and how she rolled her eyes at the two younger girls. Lexa just sent Nia a deathglare and continued to hold Costia close to her._

_Nia led them upstairs and into a room full of people Lexa didn't know. They were definitely under the influence too, but they weren't as far gone as the people she saw downstairs._

_"One of the only places where you can have fun around here," Roan stated._

_After seeing them enter, some people made room on the couches for them to sit._

_With a grin on her face, Nia gestured towards Costia and Lexa to sit down. The last thing Lexa wanted was to appear as some scared, little freshman, so she sat down with a daring look on her face. Her arm still around Costia. This only made the grin on Nia's face bigger._

_"We have some newbies here," she announced to the small group of people who were sitting in the circle created by four chouches. "Let's show them how to have a good time."_

_Some people nodded and Lexa got a joint pushed in her hands by Ontari. She had seen some older students at Arcadia High smoke weed and it looked the same, but she had never seen it up close. She tried not to look at it too much, not wanting to let everyone around her know that this was indeed her first time._

_"Well, are you going to just hold it and let it go to waste or are you going to_ _smoke?," Nia asked with annoyance in her voice._

_A few chuckles could be heard around her._

_"Come on, don't be a party pooper and live a little," someone she didn't know said._

_Roan laughed. "He's right. Come on, Lexa. You know you want to."_

_"We don't have all night," Nia added with an irritated sigh._

_Costia, who was easily affected by Nia's irritation, nudged Lexa. "Come on," she encouraged her with a soft tone._

_Lexa looked at Costia confused, immediately captured by her brown eyes. "What?" she whispered back._

_She had seen her mother smoke weed sometimes when they happened to be home at the same time. If her mother used this, Lexa didn't want to use it too. Yet, looking at Costia's eyes and seeing the awe in them made Lexa put the joint in her mouth. She only hoped that nobody saw her trembling hands._

_One last time, she looked at Costia in the hope that her friend would shake her head to let her know it's okay to stop. She only saw the opposite, Costia continued to look at her with respect and maybe even love. Taking one deep breath trough her nose gave her time to prepare herself and then Lexa inhaled the smoke from the joint. She felt the smoke everywhere. In her mouth, her lungs, her nose. She even felt it in her stomach, even though that isn't possible._

_She only wanted to get the smoke out as soon as possible, which made her cough without control. She heard the laughter around her over her own coughs and a deep red blush crept on her cheeks. She didn't want to appear as weak, so she put the joint between her lips again and took another drag and another one._

_It went better than her first try and a feeling of euphoria went trough her after she inhaled and breathed out again flawlessly after her third drag. She had no idea if the euphoria came from succeeding, the weed itself or_ _the look of complete adoration on Costia's face. It didn't matter what caused it, because she felt great again for the first time in a really long time._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know if you did :)


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